In Memoriam

9 10 2008

Lauren Brie, we hardly knew ye. Which is pretty much why you got eliminated. I definitely agree with the decision based on her most recent photograph. But Tyra, couldn’t you have just given her a bottom-two scared-straight situation? Well anywhatevs, what’s done is done. Thanks lb, (or “pound,” which is an apt nickname considering her signature malnourished look), for producing these mind-blowing photos:


*Moment of Silence/Awe*

I totally knew from the second episode on that she’d be this season’s Katarzyna. I guess I still held a shred of hope in my weird, ANTM-loving heart that she’d blossom under Tyra’s wacked-out coaching. Shockingly, being told to turn “awkward” into “surfer girl” only confused her more, instead of refining the posing skills that she very clearly had (need I more proof than the three photos above?!?!). Marjorie, on the other hand, almost made me vomit with delightful repulsion during her pose teach. The girl was almost at full doubled-over stance when she was what I like to term “a complete quasimodo.” And, truthfully, after Tyra’s suggestions (“Now you’re a hunchback that’s a model!“) Marjorie neatly refined the ug. Another vomit moment, but completely free of delight? Tyra beaming while under the self-asserted impression that Marjorie’s (deservedly) winning photo was a direct result of O Hooded One’s tutelege. Maybe a little. But the French mouse’s awesome photo was a combination of her already-existing awk-nastiness and the right assigned embarrassing moment to express. Even with the horrendous jeweled gypsy head wrap, Marjorie pulled it off swimmingly. Turbans Hats off to you, cherie.

Quick one-liners about the other contestants:
Joslyn
: This was so NOT your prettiest photo. You will unfortunately be gone in at least two weeks.
Sheena: Your portfolio’s back up on the CW’s ANTM site, so I guess you’re back in good favor with Little (?) Black Riding Hood. Good personality, but you have no deliberate intention at shoots. Next week’s commercial should buy you some time.
McKey: You’re lucky Paulina loves you so much. Your photos are getting stronger, which is a plus, but let’s be straight, McKey: you’re weird. That is all.
Analeigh: If this competition was won solely based on the amount of time spent trying to figure why one sucks, then you’d be a shoo-in. Luck has been favoring you recently, so here’s to hoping you find your “niche” before it’s too late.
Samantha: You’re undeniably 18 and Californian. If you stay for a couple more weeks, you’re bound to force someone to knock you out (based on next week’s previews, it looks like Elina’s gonna give it a go).
Elina: You straight-up got shafted this week. Jay Manuel’s tear-forcing methods were uncomfortably cruel (Mike, keep shooting when she stops talking), you showed emotion, and the lighting was too strong to pick up your photo. Seeing your face during the fake-tear removal demonstration was telling, but you still don’t suck that bad.
Tyra: The mail(person?) outfit’s great for photo shoots, but not so much for everyday wear. Just an FYI.
Mike Rosenthal: You’re nice! Be a photog/judge more often. And tell Jeremy Scott that scowls, especially when paired with 4-wave curly bangs, are not fierce.

I’ll wrap this up with an elimination prediction for next week: Samantha. Based on her attempt of practiced-improv during the photo shoot, her commercial should be a wreck.

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